Senior year.

I wish I had more time.

I wish I had more time to tell you how I felt.

I wish I had more time to make the memories you remember from high school.

I wish time would just freeze for a couple months and we could do the things we used to do together.

I wish things weren’t so complicated and we could just talk again.

(Pause)

I want things to be better.

I want to graduate high school and move on to adult life and college.

I want all of the high school drama to go away.

I want to feel like they care about me and whats going on in my life.

I want more then this.

(Pause)

I know I can be happy.

I know things are they way they are for a reason.

I know that things will get better.

I know I have some amazing friends.

I know that one day i’ll be ok with that fact that you’re no longer in my life.

Heart

I have a feeling telling me not to write anything thats going to be to deep or personal because people are going to know who wrote it. But I also feel like this will be good for me, I want finally listen to my heart

This past week or so has been the hardest few weeks I’ve had in a while. I feel like my feelings need to throw up but I cant, I cant put them aside and focus on school work. It has started to consume me, and its all over one girl. Im gunna keep the names to myself sadly.

POEM

you pass her in the halls but its not her

its not the girl you fell involve with

she’s changed and so should you .

but you simply just cant help but to think

when times were different

sneaking out late, midnight del taco runs

cuddling in the back seat.

she looks up with a forced smile

you can recognize her but you don’t know who she’s become

you both wave and go on your separate ways.

I think if my heart would be telling me anything it would be find out that makes you happy, use others but don’t rely on others for happiness because it will never truly make you happy.

Reveal

I feel like the best way to start this is to explain my thoughts when I hear the world reveal. Reveal to me is like when your holding your breath under water trying your hardest to make it to the end of the pool and finally popping your head up for air. To me it almost feels anti climatic. It feels like the thrill of writing secret blogs are over. It almost feels like a sad thing but it shouldn’t.

Anyways to begin the reveal.

I have an irrational fear of the future, big or small, and I HATE the feeling of growing up. I don’t know if its because I feel I haven’t used my time wisely or if im just scared to be on my own.

which brings me to my next point, I HATE the feeling of being alone. I don’t actually hate being alone like eating by my self but when its just me and my thoughts I get sad. When I feel like no ones listening I just don’t feel like talking anymore.

Those are probably my 2 biggest fears and now on to my likes!

I really enjoy fishing and I know that stupid and I don’t go a whole lot and im not to good but I just like it. it relaxes me and I have a lot of good memories. One time in lake powell I fished till I had heat stoke kinda but it wasn’t that bad.

I LOVE skiing its my biggest passion and the whole culture around it is so cool, its all so relaxed and all love. Ive skied three times over thanksgiving break and I love it.

Things I’ve learned in this class

Its ok to be wrong in one persons eyes as long as your right in your own

you can never write enough poems

Mr Neilson is one of the most understanding teachers and makes me feel comfortable.

Writing isn’t just for old people or people that wear fedoras

express yourself how ever you want.

A poem

She slips on your glasses

hearts molded to the song

hearts molded to one

you would marry her

but love is just a feeling from the movies.

Questioning if she feels the same

the glasses slowly slipping off

as our hand meet as one

not a word said but a feeling shared

our lips find each other

and for just a moment

I felt I was in a movie of my own.

Im not sure who’s ever going to read this or if it will be read but if it does thank you šŸ™‚

My names Jake Newman and I love lil uzi vert.

FeArS

The first thought I have when I think fears would be the future, Not tomorrow or the next day but graduation, diplomas, missions, last goodbyes, first hellos.

That stuff scares the living shiz out of me for some reason, I Have zero problems doing backflips off cliffs and flips on skis but when it comes to the unknown I get knots in my stomach.

I think the biggest reason for that would be running out of time. Ive started to notice that adults never sneak out, and adults never eat at Mcdonalds at 3 in the morning, and adults never skip school for skiing (Neilson if you’re reading this on 11/23 that is exactly where I am and I won’t apologize for it because thats my happy place.)

Adults don’t go on rainy drives with cute girls, Adults don’t stay up till 4:30 making freestyle raps with there best buds, Adults don’t debate whether to miss seminary or not, Adults surely do not steal shopping carts and race them.

So that leads me to my next point, why are we in such a hurry to grown up and become the new “adults” of the world when we can be the new “Youth” of the world now.

I don’t know

Maybe these are just tired thoughts being typed at 12:03 on a school night, or maybe this is just the spark I need to light the rest of my youth days up.

Your only in high school once. That phrase hits me hard because what if I have been missing out and I should have been experiencing other things but I can only realize it when its to late. What if I work to much and I’ve been missing out. Money is just money, I can always make more. but can I make more midnight memories.

I saw this on someones

SONGS

High tops- del water gap

south – hippo campus

Drunk on halloween- wallows.

Try something different

Ok. Im sitting in my room at 11:15 writing this, thinking I don’t know how to try something different right now. So I’ve decided to make a list of things I like to do when im sad because I was sad today.

  1. Be with friends, this ones my favorite because I hate feeling alone.
  2. Eat, I know this one sounds stupid but it works fr.
  3. Listen to my favorite music when I was happy, no sad music.
  4. Hot chocolate in the winter is one of my other favorite things.
  5. Movies or tv shows that make me happy.
  6. Basketball, It has a weird way of masking the your feelings and just focusing on the game.
  7. Naps actually are very nice.
  8. I rarely cry but the handful of times I have it seems to help.
  9. I also rarely write but I feel like its a pretty good outlet so far
  10. Lastly I would have to put some form of work weather thats mowing the lawn or my real job, it helps to be busy.

Blue ticket

My blue ticket said free your self, free yourself. Makes me think whats causing us to feel so chained up in our minds, what makes someone feel locked or guarded. I feel enclosed because of work, school, MASKS, feelings, and my parents. How do we detach ourselves from those sometimes negative feelings, or do we have to learn how to live side by side. We went on a trip to Mexico a few weeks ago, I felt so happy and so free but it didn’t last forever. it seemed to disappear as soon as a stepped foot into my house, so does that mean to free ourselves we have to only be in environments where we feel happy. Or maybe we just need to try to always have the free and happy mind sets, maybe its always a different combination of both. For me to be free is to be where you want mentally and possibly even physically, Im a big skier so for me going skiing is what would make me happy.

Bones

I remember the time I broke my nose in about 2nd grade. I hadn’t experienced pain of that magnitude until I felt my face set on fire and saw blood on my hands in front of the entire gym class. That experience made me realize just how fragile we truly are. Growing up you see yourself as invincible and untouchable, so the first time I was exposed, in front of my peers, I felt vulnerable. Now, the pain I once felt in my bones are different. The pain I feel now is having to walk out of class because my emotions are too extreme and I can feel it throughout my body, making class unbearable. The pain I feel now is having to collect myself in my car during school. My bones no longer hold physical pain, its more emotional now; making me feel vulnerable and raw in front of my classmates countless of times, even though they cant physically see the pain I’m in, unlike the 2nd grade fiasco. I often think that our “Bones”, in whatever context, are viewed as fragile and weak after they have been broken so many times, but now I see it leaves room for improvement and growth, making me stronger in the end.

Bricks

Honestly I’m not sure on what to write. I can write about what I know bricks aren’t, Bricks aren’t the feeling you get when you drop your crush off from an amazing first date. bricks aren’t the feeling you get after a breakup, Bricks are most definitely not the feeling you get after a messy conversation with a friend. So I guess by process of elimination “Bricks” to me mostly mean the feeling of stability and comfort. We need to feel like a brick in the sense of being stable but we seek to feel love and joy and sadness. We are excited by change but frightened when we cant control it.

Nature

I do a lot of hunting, hiking, razoring, and skiing and so i usually feel like for the most part i feel fairly full for my hunger for nature, but every little bit i will be able to enjoy it and be able to take it all in. I love those moment like when Iā€™m fishing and i just sit and relax.

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